flashbacks

momentary flashbacks for a few days now..
re-thinking of everything that has happened.
i don't even want to say anything about it.

19th & 20th Nov 2009

wanted to change my blogskin...

but....

lazy now

haha

tomorrow...

is

the

21st of Nov 2009!!

the dance...

the day..

the dinner...

the dress...

the heels...

my hair..

the make-up...

all

not

ready...

crap

and yesterday at the practice for the musical...

i cried cause i couldn't take it anymore...

from a different point of view someone else will tell you how it went....

looking around she saw every other musicians playing thier instruments beautifully..

and what was she doing??

playing awful sounding notes through her flute..

the high piercing sounds echoed throughout the sanctuary as the pianist (probably fed up of her) just went on playing the beautiful songs the flutist was destroying...

than finally..

she (the flutist) gave up..

abandoning the musician group..

she put down her 'precious' flute that she held..

and ran out through the enclosed rooms and out the back door...

where she just sat by the steps and cried out her confirmed fears and all the pressure and all the stress she's been keeping in...

she cried and cried till unexpectedly the side door opened and a guy's voice came to her hearing as he asked 

"are you okay?"

"what's wrong?"

he came and sit next to her on the steps and asked the most suprising thing...

"may i pray for you?"

due to all the tears that was streaming down her face she didn't answer him even when he asked her for her name..

his prayer came quietly but somewhat powerful..

that now that she thought of it..it made her jealous that he had a clear strong bond with God..

when he finished..he asked

"do you need someone to talk to?" quick shake of a head : no

"you okay?" quick nod : yes

"do you want to be alone?" quick nod again..

"okay..if you need someone to talk to..talk to me kay?" nod

and he left..

it got me thinking...

where is God if he'd there?

what if i was one of the people that God just let be?

i just sat there thinking..

as the music was still playing inside..

and the voices ringging clear like bells..

i thought to myself..

why should i stay and destroy every hard work they have put in this musical?

why disappoint everyone?

she got up and through the quiet backway she slipped into the bathrooms and washed up..

she heard the dancers voices coming out from the sanctuary indicating the the musical practice was over..

she had missed everything..

which got her thinking again...

did anyone notice i left?

would they be bothered that i wasn't there?

she slipped back again from where she came from...

and went back towards the musician's seats..

where her sort-of-related cousin, Isabel, one of the graceful violinist came up to her and comforted her which made her smile..

Jason, playing the cool electronic bass guitar came up and asked why she walked out in the middle of the song..

he made a few jokes which helped her laugh..

Chris, the rockin drummer came by and said a few cheerful words..

Amanda, from her class came down from the choir group and "bullied" her a bit...

she "bullied" back..

than she saw the guy that was outside with her just now..

Isabel told her his name is Steven..

she wanted to thank him for the prayer but he looked busy with the sound systems..

so she decided not to bother him..

than Nathenial, another violinist and Michella, a singer (i think thats how you spell it >.<) came from thier dinners...and asked how practice went...

she just put on her best "poker-face" and said it went well..

she than went to the pianist's mother, Aunt Lilian..

Aunt Lilian and her mum were friends..

and she asked Aunt Lilian..

is it too late to pull out?

Aunt Lilian looked at her and said

"if you pull out, i would kill you dear girl"

"you play very well and if you quit..y shouldn't i too?"

that got her thinking..

Aunt Lilian had been singing with dad for so long after mum quit..

she faced all these but in a little different situations...

"come" Aunt Lilian said with a glint in her eye (a naughty one) "lets disturb your father and the rest there having 'detention' " 

i laughed with her and agreed..

only Aunt Lilian was warned off with a cold-ice glare from her daughter at the piano..

after 'detention' was over..

her dad motioned for her to go..

obviously he didn't notice her absence..

which wasn't really suprising..

she went home determined not to cry anymore..

and that she would just keep it down..

the future that is held for her is a suprise all together..

Stressed (good news for all you *****es out there)

Bitches and Gentlemen!

(nice intro isn't it?)

fine i admit.

yes...

i'm jealous

damn freking jealous..

only he and my close cousins know why i'm jealous..

Sup P.E.O.P.L.E!!

your one and only hot sexy fun lovable host just steped into your life!!

wakakaka

yeah

i know..

i'm working on my goody-two-shoes look

haha

hey i'm trying!!

aannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyywwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.....

i'm starting from 7th Nov or earlier...can't remember

it was a casual almost normal morning...

after a night's worth of ribbon dancing...

i've forgotten like..all the moves..

so did Chris and Gab..(yes i've gotten over the initial names thingy)

and to make it all worse..

our important choreographer went to Genting on that day!!

the three of us actually ended up just lazing around with the ribbons and playing with the songs on my handphone...

14th Nov 2009

we didn't practice for our dance off cause : 

a) Chris's grandmother died

b) Denise had to practice her worship thingy which i'm doing as well (it seems lol)

c) I got dizzy and I fell onto the sanctuary carpet on the brink of fainting...(yeah..i did...)

poor Gab..

after I went home i've got no idea what she did...

21st Nov 2009

only one more week before the awards day presentations..

around the week before 21st we agreed to split the song into parts...

so now we have our own solos in the dance..

ex:

Denise (due to her hard work esp for the particular verse) took verse one.

Following suit is me in the first chorus.

Than Chris starts her routine.

Polished with Gab's moves in the second chorus.

we're supposed to come in together in the verse three and the last chorus for the big finish but Gab and my ribbons keep getting tangled together!! like lovers according to Gab..

I hope next week we won't be having any problems..

we have only 105 HOURS to pull everything together..

adding the sleep hours??

maybe like what??

8 hours a day??

which leaves us with only 41 hours to get everything done..

41 ROCKET FLYING STUPID FREKING FUCKING HOURS ONLY!!!

oh did i mention that my thighs are freking painful now cause of one of the parts in the dance?

Chris would totally agree with me..

(facing the same prob)

ARGHHH!!

how much more stress????????????

not only that..

something that i haven't mentioned..

i'm in a musical as one of the musicians..

and i haven't been practicing that as well...

the musical is on the 29th Nov, 5th and 6th of Dec 2009..

which is also very close..

oh and...

a little shoutout from me to all my SPM-facing friends..

GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS!!!!

okay...

looks like i've got to sign out..

i've class in like... 15mins??

crap

Due to people's requests...

UPDATED LOL!!!






MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA >.<






okay i admit i'm evil..

what i'm going through now...

whatever i'm going through now...
i'm not sure you'd want to know after i start the first sentence..
i feel like calling out alot of cusses...
but i know it might not be worth it...
the reason why i didn''t bother trying is cuz i have a few steadfast FRIENDS that i can depend on when it comes to all that trouble...
so many things have happened since the last i've updated this miserable blog...
haha
each order from M...
the closer she drives me to you (though she doesn't realize all this)
i think i'll stop now...
anywayz..

blog updated

=]

>.<

tata

idiots

a part of my problems....

One thing i can't bear anymore is...
BEING A FREAKING SUB!!

incomplete ya... this was Friday,21 Aug 2009

This is incomplete...but it's like....almost 1am...
and i need to get upstairs just in case my parents wake up...
than i'm dead...
i'll post the blackboard incidents soon...
wakakaka to Rachel Yip haha

Se Yieng, Se Yieng...
what are you staring at??
xD

This is Vera....
but...
we didn't manage to get her pic...
nice effects though.
xD

so serious wei...
better watch out! haha

Let the Pics say it all...

On the 18th Aug 2009...

Yeah i know this particular pic is a little............
weird.....
we didn't intend to get the pic this way....
Gosh i'm freakin bad...
sorry kor..
xD
but i was just itching to put it up..

On The 16TH of August 2009

Hey!!!!!!!!! i'm BACK~~~~ haha
This was 16th Aug 2009,
we celebrated See Wen Min and Siew Li Xin's birthday which is actually on 28 and 30th respectfully..
We went to Sunway Pyramid :

these are the crazy people that i went with =]

See Wen Min

Siew Li Xin



Rachel Yip

Yeah...they "argue" lot...but they're good friends... (trust me lol)




lol than...there is my dear-always there for me- bf xD
here's Wen Min drinking.....
OMGOSH it's...
VODKA!
xD

Look at her face!!
she and Rach claims i made her this way cause i'm a jinx..
yeah a jinx..
long story..
haha

Than the "hired" (as i cruel-y put it(but they were good, nice and friendly haha )) came..
time for the "bullying"

First, they were asked to stand on the chairs...

Than to give a SPEECH by using a ..... pepper mill?.... (i have no idea what it's called...xP)

Li Xin gave her speech....she said that she was so touched..xD

Than Wen Min... she said thank u and told me she was sorry...
for those of you who knew what happened...
lets keep it to ourselves..

Thus the cake that my dear Kok Meng bought.. =]

The two lovely friends cutting cake together..

After that we all went home...
first Wen Min,
than Li Xin,
Than Rachel,
Than me,
Than Kok meng...
=]
haha
The End...
xD

Let's go jump.

hurt....

confused...

i don't know what to do...

but i need to correct this...

fast..

before i loose another friend...

or rather....

all my friends...

how could one thing that i do cause so much??

i hate myself...
seriously...

Short post... (Day Two!)

Day two!!
he's so sweet!!!
xP
*sigh*
i still remember the day ^^

Wishes~

Happy Belated Birthday
To
Rachel Yip
&
Yee Wern
!

sadly i've got to off the comp now..
so no new updates yet..

~Balance~ (Lord help me please)

imagine the circus actor..
balancing on the tight rope..
that's how i feel now...
except my balancer is heavy at one end only...
and i'm struggling to maintain my balance..
next week is the school exam and on friday i won't be able to take the last exam because i have piano exam (grade 8 yes the so-called final grade) on that day..
i'm supposed to be practicing like 4 hours a day...
haven't been discipline enough to do so even thought there is like less than one week left..
despite having to concertrate on my piano..
i also have to get As for my parents to be happy...
if i don't...(which i most probably wouldn't get)
i'd probably be feeling really bad bout myself...
i feel guilty of not being able to balance it all..

not only that...i have problems with my own personal life
which...i won't just blurt it all out here
things are changing..
i feel like everyone that was once close to me are going away
and i don't think they're coming back..
i don't know how to explain all of this even if you asked me face to face..

i'm sorry...

Updated =]

short update :

U-P-D-A-T-E













=]

Happy Birthday!!Sweet 16

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~Adorable
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~Sweet
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~Funny
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
ESTHER LIM PEI YING!!!
(sorry can't type more...no time haha)

My blog = Dead ^^

Kelly Clarkson (addicted)

"Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson

You've got your mother and your brother
Every other undercover
Tellin' you what to say (say)
You think I'm stupid
But the truth is
That it's cupid, baby
Lovin' you has made me this way
So before you point your finger
Get your hands off of my trigger
Oh yeah
You need to know this situation's getting old
And now the more you talk
The less I can take, oh

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why are you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

I waited here for you
Like a kid waiting after school
So tell me how come you never showed (showed)?
I gave you everything
And never asked for anything
And look at me
I'm all alone (alone)
So, before you start defendin'
Baby, stop all your pretendin'
I know you know I know
So what's the point in being slow
Let's get the show on the road today
Hey

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why are you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

I wanna love
I want a fire
To feel the burn
My desires
I wanna man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides
Are you gonna fight for me?
Die for me?
Live and breathe for me?
Do you care for me?
'Cause if you don't then just leave

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why are you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away

If you don't have the answer
Walk away
Just walk (walk) away
(Just walk away)
Then just leave
Yeah yeah
Walk away
Walk away
Walk away

"Behind These Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Truthfully....

I'm going to stop myself there and say...
"You're not worth it. I'm better off without you. "
I have other people to back me up if you won't..
There are many other friends to help me when you won't..

Unbreakable

Unbrekable-Fireflight

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me?
They hide just out of sight.
Can't face me in the light.
They'll return but I'll be stronger.
God, I want to dream again.
Take me where I've never been.
I wanna go there,
This time I'm not scared.
Now I am unbreakable.
I'ts unmistakable.
No one can touch me.
Nothing can stop me.
Sometimes it's hard to just keep going.
But faith is moving without knowing.
Cannot touch but I can see,
To reach my destiny,
I'll have to take control, but I know better.
God, I want to dream again,
Take me where I've never been.
I wanna go there,
This time I'm not scared.
Now I am unbreakable.
It's unmistakable.
No one can touch me.
Nothing can stop me.
Forget the fear
It's just a krutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust.
All you need to do is trust.
Trust!
God, I want to dream again.
Take me where I've never been,
I wanna go there
This time I'm not scared.
Now I am unbreakable.
It's unmistakable.
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me.

Don't ask me why...I just feel this way...

Believe has a 'lie' in it.

believe has a lie in it.
i can't believe you believed me...
when i say i'm okay....
sometimes i'm really just hurting inside...
wanting you to comfort me....

what you said really hurt...

i miss you...
i want you...
but i think you want another person...

i'm okay...
i'll be okay...

oh btw,i know what you did.lol

i'm over it...
just as long as you promise to make up for it..
=]

Ouch

that hurt...
i was looking forward to spending at least one day with you beside me...
now i know that's not going to happen....

Good and Bad....(uncompleted)

today :

P.A Day!
our performance.....was okay....
till the last part where i got so tired that i nearly fell for the last turn...
managed to cover up...
haha..

how do i label today??
both good and bad i guess...

Good...

went down to PJ at 9.30am..
after practice...11.30am...
walked down to domino's with K,G and C...
saw BB boys pass by...
guess who?
lol
i'm not obsessed...
by pass him twice and i could feel my cheeks go bright red..
i could have sworn that he sensed it...
*darn it*
than...
I was sitting down with some friends...
than something happened and i got up quite fast and the timing was so great...
=.=
i knocked HZ's sis, JQ and she ended up sitting on her friend.....
i laughed non-stop....
=.=

Bad...
I got pissed off at C...
i forgotten something and she didn't give me a break...
at all...
crap her
only she can forget bout things and no1 gives her a crap bout it??
than....
i nearly fell on G during the last turn during our performance...
i hope no1 noticed....
>.<

ouch..that hurt....

I'll hate you for that...

but you know i can't for long..

you're forever in my hate list..

you're on my friends list too....

how could you??

i should have gotten used to this...

you're an idiot...

you're one of my idiots from my gang...

I'm confused right now...
all I want is a care-free life..
why don't you leave me alone when you become one of them??
big-headed jerk..

___________________________________________________________________

I'm sorry...

Exams = OVER!!!

exams...are over...
so why do i feel down??
not going to school tomorrow..
teachers' day...
*whispers* sleep in only..
The P.A performance...is coming along i guess....
last two practices...
i would NOT tell you what song we're going to be dancing to...
lol

crap...
i think i might have to stop talking to you...
it's going to hurt me alot but...
wait...
i won't tell why here...
you want to know why don't you just contact me straight...
ha
if you could...

can't wait for Monday!!!
oh that reminds me that A has not informed me yet if she's going....
=.=
nvm...we'll drag WM...
and i'm going to figure out a way to get someone in the water...
meeting at 9.30-10am at starbucks kay.
don't want to go on a wild goose chase please...

P.A day is coming!!!
not ready!!not ready!!!
hate pink...
but have to wear pink...
*makes a face*
i wanted to wear a dark colour!!!
nvm nvm...
hz...
only one day....
one time...
its okay
lol!
going mad adi..
should go..
bye bye
tata!!

xoxo
.:'Xhe Yi':.

mid-year exams....

Exams now....
somehow got online...
haha...
the guys in my class are really really entertaining....
especially during exams!!
lol

i still remember on tuesday when we had our add math paper...
even thought the papers was still on our desks...
the whole class was yapping away!!
explanation : they gave up on the paper and turned their attention to their friends....

tonight..
we went out for dinner with my parent's uni friends....
i was so damn bored....
my sis entertained herself with the nintendo ds...
while being the "good girl" i am..(*cough cough*) i absent minded-ly listened to them talk and bully D...haha that was the only time that i found interesting...

someone is online...
but his status is on busy..
so i shouldn't disturb him...
because he's having exams too...

oh oh!
did i tell you people that there is the carnival this year??
well...
i heard from others...
my friends and i (in my class) plan to set up a ghost house!!
i won't tell what we're going to do...
but we promise we'll try to make it the scariest one that you'll never forget!!
i'm also planning on inviting someone...
but not sure if he can come...
from what i heard....
it on July 5th..

next monday..
we have...
History where we'll all be history...
tuesday...
science...
thats okay...
plus too more lousy subjects...

yeah...
i think thats all....
goodnight people!!
lol
i'm going to be online till as late as i want...
muahahahahaha
*innocent smile*
tata!!
xoxo

.:'Xhe Yi':.