Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Suicidal thoughts?

It's been a long time since I've last checked this old blog...
Heck...anyone can see when the last post was...
I came across a post on facebook today and thought i should post in on the blog...
so...
here it is~!


Definitely worth reading:
Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You've had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days. It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn't succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we've NEVER talked before, I’m here for you.
Anonymous..

Definately something to think about when you're feeling so low down...
Cheer up~!! 
We've - or I've - got your back~!
=]
Happy October~!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Friday, February 12, 2010

Valentines' Day 2010 (not officially on Val Day)

Honestly...
I would always say...
I Hate Valentines' Day..
but today...
you gave me a big big gift that I couldn't utter a word when you brought it to me...
yes..
I..
was..
stunned...
>.<
I felt like crying when May Ee let me see..
and to find you coming towards me with your suprise..
I swear..
I couldn't move and I couldn't speak..
Suddenly,
Yune was shouting "Take it la!!" >.<
You were right..
I will never forget my last Val Day in high school..
Pn Chua, our add math teacher has photos...
Pn. Hong personally asked to see it..
all the teachers that came in was asking who's
and..
May Ee...>.<
was telling ppl to look at it.. >.<
haha
but thank you everyone
and
Thank you dear
I Love You ^^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, February 1, 2010

Nothing New

Yeah...
I'm supposed to be working on the English project..
That's the reason how I managed to get online..
Anyway...
Hmmm....
Chinese New Year is around the corner..
Prince (my puppy!) is about 3 months old..
Nothing else new..
Oh yeah...
We have a Phung as our English teacher.....
hz...

kay going off..
byeeee~

Friday, December 11, 2009

flashbacks

momentary flashbacks for a few days now..
re-thinking of everything that has happened.
i don't even want to say anything about it.

Friday, November 20, 2009

19th & 20th Nov 2009

wanted to change my blogskin...
but....
lazy now
haha


tomorrow...
is
the
21st of Nov 2009!!


the dance...
the day..
the dinner...
the dress...
the heels...
my hair..
the make-up...
all
not
ready...

crap


and yesterday at the practice for the musical...
i cried cause i couldn't take it anymore...



from a different point of view someone else will tell you how it went....



looking around she saw every other musicians playing thier instruments beautifully..
and what was she doing??
playing awful sounding notes through her flute..
the high piercing sounds echoed throughout the sanctuary as the pianist (probably fed up of her) just went on playing the beautiful songs the flutist was destroying...
than finally..
she (the flutist) gave up..
abandoning the musician group..
she put down her 'precious' flute that she held..
and ran out through the enclosed rooms and out the back door...
where she just sat by the steps and cried out her confirmed fears and all the pressure and all the stress she's been keeping in...
she cried and cried till unexpectedly the side door opened and a guy's voice came to her hearing as he asked 
"are you okay?"
"what's wrong?"
he came and sit next to her on the steps and asked the most suprising thing...
"may i pray for you?"
due to all the tears that was streaming down her face she didn't answer him even when he asked her for her name..
his prayer came quietly but somewhat powerful..
that now that she thought of it..it made her jealous that he had a clear strong bond with God..
when he finished..he asked
"do you need someone to talk to?" quick shake of a head : no
"you okay?" quick nod : yes
"do you want to be alone?" quick nod again..
"okay..if you need someone to talk to..talk to me kay?" nod
and he left..
it got me thinking...
where is God if he'd there?
what if i was one of the people that God just let be?
i just sat there thinking..
as the music was still playing inside..
and the voices ringging clear like bells..
i thought to myself..
why should i stay and destroy every hard work they have put in this musical?
why disappoint everyone?
she got up and through the quiet backway she slipped into the bathrooms and washed up..
she heard the dancers voices coming out from the sanctuary indicating the the musical practice was over..
she had missed everything..
which got her thinking again...
did anyone notice i left?
would they be bothered that i wasn't there?
she slipped back again from where she came from...
and went back towards the musician's seats..
where her sort-of-related cousin, Isabel, one of the graceful violinist came up to her and comforted her which made her smile..
Jason, playing the cool electronic bass guitar came up and asked why she walked out in the middle of the song..
he made a few jokes which helped her laugh..
Chris, the rockin drummer came by and said a few cheerful words..
Amanda, from her class came down from the choir group and "bullied" her a bit...
she "bullied" back..
than she saw the guy that was outside with her just now..
Isabel told her his name is Steven..
she wanted to thank him for the prayer but he looked busy with the sound systems..
so she decided not to bother him..
than Nathenial, another violinist and Michella, a singer (i think thats how you spell it >.<) came from thier dinners...and asked how practice went...
she just put on her best "poker-face" and said it went well..
she than went to the pianist's mother, Aunt Lilian..
Aunt Lilian and her mum were friends..
and she asked Aunt Lilian..
is it too late to pull out?
Aunt Lilian looked at her and said
"if you pull out, i would kill you dear girl"
"you play very well and if you quit..y shouldn't i too?"
that got her thinking..
Aunt Lilian had been singing with dad for so long after mum quit..
she faced all these but in a little different situations...
"come" Aunt Lilian said with a glint in her eye (a naughty one) "lets disturb your father and the rest there having 'detention' " 
i laughed with her and agreed..
only Aunt Lilian was warned off with a cold-ice glare from her daughter at the piano..
after 'detention' was over..

her dad motioned for her to go..
obviously he didn't notice her absence..
which wasn't really suprising..
she went home determined not to cry anymore..
and that she would just keep it down..
the future that is held for her is a suprise all together..

Monday, November 16, 2009

Stressed (good news for all you *****es out there)

Bitches and Gentlemen!
(nice intro isn't it?)
fine i admit.
yes...
i'm jealous
damn freking jealous..
only he and my close cousins know why i'm jealous..

Sup P.E.O.P.L.E!!
your one and only hot sexy fun lovable host just steped into your life!!
wakakaka
yeah
i know..
i'm working on my goody-two-shoes look
haha
hey i'm trying!!
aannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyywwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.....
i'm starting from 7th Nov or earlier...can't remember
it was a casual almost normal morning...
after a night's worth of ribbon dancing...
i've forgotten like..all the moves..
so did Chris and Gab..(yes i've gotten over the initial names thingy)
and to make it all worse..
our important choreographer went to Genting on that day!!
the three of us actually ended up just lazing around with the ribbons and playing with the songs on my handphone...


14th Nov 2009


we didn't practice for our dance off cause : 
a) Chris's grandmother died
b) Denise had to practice her worship thingy which i'm doing as well (it seems lol)
c) I got dizzy and I fell onto the sanctuary carpet on the brink of fainting...(yeah..i did...)

poor Gab..
after I went home i've got no idea what she did...


21st Nov 2009


only one more week before the awards day presentations..
around the week before 21st we agreed to split the song into parts...
so now we have our own solos in the dance..
ex:


Denise (due to her hard work esp for the particular verse) took verse one.
Following suit is me in the first chorus.
Than Chris starts her routine.
Polished with Gab's moves in the second chorus.
we're supposed to come in together in the verse three and the last chorus for the big finish but Gab and my ribbons keep getting tangled together!! like lovers according to Gab..
I hope next week we won't be having any problems..
we have only 105 HOURS to pull everything together..
adding the sleep hours??
maybe like what??
8 hours a day??
which leaves us with only 41 hours to get everything done..
41 ROCKET FLYING STUPID FREKING FUCKING HOURS ONLY!!!
oh did i mention that my thighs are freking painful now cause of one of the parts in the dance?
Chris would totally agree with me..
(facing the same prob)
ARGHHH!!
how much more stress????????????


not only that..
something that i haven't mentioned..
i'm in a musical as one of the musicians..
and i haven't been practicing that as well...
the musical is on the 29th Nov, 5th and 6th of Dec 2009..
which is also very close..


oh and...
a little shoutout from me to all my SPM-facing friends..
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS!!!!


okay...
looks like i've got to sign out..
i've class in like... 15mins??




crap